On how I became more comfortable about discussing my feelings.
📍Deep Ellum, Dallas
Let's be honest, the internet can be a cruel place. Masked behind screens, it seems as if people can say anything and everything to anyone and not reap any consequences. With the amount of possible hate that one can receive online, it's no surprise that ,according to research into the social dynamics of 2,000 Americans, 45% of adults say that they struggles with making new friends and opening up.
Personally, when I was younger, I always found it easy to relay all my feelings to my friends. Perhaps it was because I was young and carefree, not yet exposed to harsh toxicity, but I found no harm in opening up. However, as I journeyed into high school, suddenly, there was a new rage of secrecy, and all of my friends suddenly began speaking in whispers, instead of our elementary shouts and giggles.
People at my school as well, indirectly opposed opening up. Mental health talks at school were often countered with jokes and jeers, as if even the thought of opening up was merely an excuse to ridicule someone. Simply put, I felt shielded and afraid to talk to anyone but a few select friends about anything that was bothering me, worried that I would be labeled "the sensitive one."
But opening up is not a joke. Opening up is not something we can throw away and refuse. Opening up is imperative to human nature. Jodi Chapman puts it as, "When we don’t allow our true selves to open up – we shrink inside. When we live our lives in fear of what others will think or worry that everyone won’t like us or fearful that we will be seen as different or weird or too 'out there,' we die a little inside."
Humans are like balloons ----- we cannot expect ourselves to hold everything in and not be able to release anything out ----- it's against our nature. So when we push against that nature, we're only creating increasing harms for ourselves.
So let's discuss ways to open up, in small steps. Opening up is a process, you do not have to expect yourself to reach the end in one try. Choose your own path, whether it be in smaller or larger steps.
How to Open Up
Find the Right People
Friendships are essential, but sometimes what's blocking you from opening up might be the person you're trying to talk to. Find someone you are comfortable being vulnerable with and who is patient with you.
Julia Horvath notes that:
"Most people have 'shadow' parts they reveal only to very few other people.
True connection takes place only if you find your way to these shadow parts of another person—by seeing and accepting them for who they really are."Organize Your Feelings
Often, you might feel too overwhelmed with thoughts that it seems impossible to talk to anyone, since you don't know how to say it. I find it helpful to keep a journal or even just scribble my thoughts on a piece of paper so I can better organize my feelings.
Reach out To New People
Reaching out to new people or friends (even online!) can be a great way to get a a fresh opinion. Talking to someone new doesn't necessarily mean someone you've never met before! Talking to family members or reaching out to friends that you haven't connected with for a while can be a great option too.
Remember, opening up is a process. It cannot happen overnight. However, hopefully, these few tips can help you to feel more comfortable with shutting down outwards toxicity and bringing yourself to open up.
Essentially,
Olivia.
Comments